I just killed my boyfriend.
I have less than 5 dollars in my checking acct.
The life and times of a poor college dropout with a spending problem.
Oh my god .. you are a mess .. no job is worth that .. do you save lives at your job? .. I’m guessing not (not for 12 bucks) .. please just relax .. and try and calm yourself. make some plans to do something you enjoy..tomorrow is another day :)
lol anxiety is a tricky thing, but I manage, most days. And I over-exaggerate sometimes. I run away with my emotions, and I get dramatic. But yes, tomorrow is another day, and I do feel happiness. Not everything is doom & gloom.
And my job is something I can work on. It’s just a work in progress, and I’m going through it right now. It’ll be alright, just need to keep working on it. :)
I hate my anxiety
It makes me feel exhausted and drained and flattened out, like there’s nothing left within me. I’m just a sack of skin with no personality or feelings. I’m not eating right, and I feel weak. I eat but I don’t have the strength, appetite, or interest to eat healthy or the proper amount. I’m lacking in nutrition. My job causes my anxiety to sky rocket. I’m happy to have a job but I just don’t know if it’s worth the 12 bucks. Or I don’t know if it’s me overreacting to everything. I’m just so damn sensitized. It’s almost like I have post traumatic stress disorder with all of the flashbacks I have. My relationships suffer, because a lot of my anxiety is tied to my relationships. I’ve suffered way too many shitty friendships and relationships and it freaks me out to some extent but I try to manage it. And I’m just getting tired. I’ve contemplated going to the emergency room, but I don’t know if I can really take the time off of work and then I think about hospital costs and prescriptions and the cost of therapy and I’m back to denying my feelings and freaking out and getting so exhausted that I crash. And then I’m ok, maybe even happy, and then the cycle starts again. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me.
Please come home safely.
I miss you sooo much. I tried to reach you, but couldn’t. I’ve been dying to talk to you this whole week. I didn’t forget, and I never would. Please come home safely, please. I’ll be at the airport waiting. I miss you so much. For the past two days, I can’t stop thinking about you and wondering what you’re doing. I calculate the time where you are. I thought I would’ve heard your voice by now, and it’s killing me that I haven’t. I’ll be there. I will. Please, come home.
I don’t know what’s going on in my head sometimes. My emotions are a flood and I get pulled away in the current, lost out to sea. I don’t want to drown anymore.
I’ve been getting in trouble at work for my excessive tardiness. So I bought my some new makeup at 40% off to make myself feel better about being kind of a fuck up. And I’m not saying making impulsive/unnecessary purchases is the best way to resolve feelings/problems, but right now, it sure is helping.
I just want to be surrounded by beautiful things at all times, but so often, I feel like things turn to shit or get messed up or whatever. Not that I don’t take some of the blame, but it’s really difficult to keep life balanced and every so often, I may slip or stumble or fall. And I always take my mistakes so personally because I feel like I shouldn’t ever make them. Sometimes I feel like I’m a slacker chick trying desperately to be the class president. I push myself and my personality a lot.
Why can’t I just be independently wealthy so I can spend my days buying cute san-x and crux and sanrio stickers and sailor moon memorabilia and just craft and be cute all day??
NOM NOMS.
I love fartface.
The lighting in my room is so orange. Whyyyyy
;D
